


After the nightmare, commitment

by NoMoreBeer4U



Series: After the nightmare series [6]
Category: Stargate SG-1
Genre: Angst, Drama, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Episode: s04e09 Scorched Earth, Established Relationship, M/M, Slash
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-19
Updated: 2020-05-19
Packaged: 2021-03-02 17:14:13
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,354
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24270391
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NoMoreBeer4U/pseuds/NoMoreBeer4U
Summary: Jack is not a happy camper after the mission that almost blew Daniel to bits. Will this be the end of their relationship?
Relationships: Daniel Jackson/Jack O'Neill
Series: After the nightmare series [6]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1704055
Kudos: 22





	After the nightmare, commitment

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I don't own them, I just play with them. Non-commercial purposes intended.
> 
> References to s03e02 The other side, s03e05 Divide and conquer, s03e08 The first ones.

***

Daniel opened Jack's front door and stepped inside the house. Jack had avoided him since they had arrived from P5S-381, future permanent emplacement for the Gadmeer. Everything had ended well for both the sulfur-based lifeforms and the Enkarans, but it had been too close to becoming a tragedy, both for Daniel and the Gadmeer. The archaeologist knew that he and Jack needed to talk about what had happened. Their confrontation during the mission had left a bittersweet taste on the final victory. Their antagonistic way of understanding life had reached the boiling point. Daniel hadn’t wanted to push Jack right away after the mission, but he didn’t want to delay their talk further. He came into the living room and found his lover dropped on the couch, beer in hand.

“Hey,” he greeted softly.

The colonel didn't answer. He just scowled at him for a moment and focused on his beer again.

“Jack, we need to talk.” The archaeologist tried to keep an emotionless tone.

“There's nothing to talk about,” Jack stated harshly.

“Jack, please…”

“Please what?!” the colonel’s eyes sent him daggers.

“Listen, it's obvious you're mad at me, we need to talk about what happened on the mission.”

“Mad? Who, me? Why should I be mad?” the colonel replied sarcastically. “ Oh, by the way, something funny happened to me today, you know? You wanna talk? Ok, let’s talk about it. What happened is that my lover, that gorgeous, smart, passionate, caring guy, did I mention smart? Well, he almost made me kill him today, so why should I be mad? Or even angry? Or furious? Or fucking frigging pissed!!!”

He threw the bottle to the fireplace and it shattered in dozens of pieces. Beer drops splashed all over the place. Daniel flinched for a second but he didn’t move from his spot. He tried to stick with his calming tone.

“Jack, I'm sorry it had to be like this, but you wouldn’t listen to me and I had to do something. I needed to do something. Did you expect me to leave an entire civilization die just like that? Without even trying something?”

The colonel stood up brusquely and pointed to his lover with his finger. “That went way further beyond trying, Daniel,” the colonel accused, “Never, never pull a stunt like that again, you hear me?! You put your life at risk on purpose!”

“Exactly. MY life.” The archaeologist’s tone rose. “My life for trying to save an entire race isn't a bad bargain, isn't it?

Jack stared open-mouth stunned at his lover’s sapphire eyes. “I can't believe you just said that.” He shook his head as if trying to expel the thought.

“Damn you, Jack! How you dare?! You have no right to be pissed at me because you did exactly the same!” Daniel's jaw tightened and his eyes sparkled with anger.

“What are you talking about?”

“Submarine? Ugly mechanical bugs? Ring a bell?” the archaeologist challenged.

“That was different.”

“How, how the hell was that different?”

“I was going to die anyway or the other, but you… you… you _chose_ to go to that fucking ship even knowing what I was planning! For cryin’ out loud, Daniel! Our job is dangerous enough without the need to add any extra risks.” The colonel’s tone hardened and the crack between his eyebrows deepened. His arms waved in all directions emphasizing his statements.“Any day, Daniel, any day, we can be on the way of a stray blast, or to be on the receiver end of a ribbon device for too long. You had no need to put your life in additional jeopardy for no reason!”

“No reason?! Daniel mirrored his movements. “The survival of an entire civilization isn’t enough reason for you?!” The archaeologist was feeling frustrated. Why couldn’t Jack understand what was at stake? That both civilizations had the same right to survive? They glared at each other in silence for some seconds and then Daniel’s gaze softened.

“I didn’t want to die, Jack, believe me,” he said with a lower voice.

“You could have fooled me,” the older man replied hoarsely.

Daniel took a deep breath before continuing. “This,” he signaled between Jack and himself, “what we have… is the most amazing thing that ever happened to me. I don’t wanna lose it. I love you, and I want to live for it. But the situation on that planet, it… it was way bigger than you and me or anyone else for that matter. We are talking about a whole civilization here. What right did we have to choose who’d live or who'd die? My life was a small price to pay to try to save an entire race. And you know it. Otherwise, you wouldn’t have sent the bomb.” His eyes filled and he had to look away to compose himself.

“That's what saddens me, Danny. You knew I'd do it, and you got within range anyway.” Jack swallowed. He sounded defeated. The younger man raised his head and their gazes met again.

“Jack, you chose to play your best hand and I chose to play mine. You know we hardly ever agree on field strategies. If you hadn’t sent the bomb, your only reason being to save my life, and the Gardmeer had wiped out the Enkarans, how would you feel now? I know how I'd feel if I hadn’t tried everything I could. I just had to do it.

“Those damn aliens were going to slaughter the Enkarans without any regret. In my dictionary this is called mass murder.” stated the colonel with clenched teeth.

“That’s why I had to do something. I didn’t want to see the Enkarans wiped out either. But Jack, the planet was deserted when the Gadmeer started the transformation. They are not murderers, they had refused other planets cause there already were other life forms there.”

Daniel stared at the older man intensely and realized that nothing he was saying was reaching him. He had held his trial. He had delivered his verdict. He had decided that one of the civilizations was more deserving of being saved than the other, and nothing he could say was going to change that.

“Gadmeer, Enkarans, both of them were peaceful races, both worthy of being saved. I couldn’t choose between them, Jack. I just couldn’t. It's a shame that you could do it so lightly.

And like that, he turned around and left, silently closing the front door.

Jack sank into the couch.

I _couldn’t choose between them, Jack. It's a shame you that could do it so lightly._

Daniel’s last words echoed in his mind. He was damn right, he had chosen the Enkarans over the Gadmeer, of course he did. The Enkarans were more worthy of being saved because… because of what? Because they had rescued them? Because they had shared some meals? Because they had become friends? Because they looked humans, while the Gardmeer seemed the product of one of those “Alien” movies? Crap, that didn't make him better than those damn nazis from Euronda. He squeezed his eyes shut and pressed the heels of his hands against them.

For a moment, he tried to put himself on Daniel’s shoes. His lover was unable to make differences between any kind of lifeform. He had even considered Lotar a truly living being, even knowing that it…he, was an artificial intelligence created by the Gadmeer.

Oh, shit. It suddenly hit him. The hero thing. The Enkarans had hero-worshipped him since their first contact. Also Daniel, Carter, and Tea'lc, but mainly him. The leader. They had a thing for leadership. You only needed to see how they revered their own leader, Hedrazar. So when Hedrazar showed that soft spot for him, the whole village jumped on her bandwagon. And he had enjoyed the feeling. The moment they said the new Enkaran baby would be named after him, his ego climbed to the roof. After that, he had been unable to see further than his nose. He had let his sympathy for the Enkaras cloud his judgment. He really hadn’t wanted to find a solution for both races. He hadn’t given a squat for the Gadmeer. He just had wanted to save the Enkarans. If that meant to blow the Gadmeer to bits, then so be it.

_He had pushed Daniel to that ship._

Crap.

He bolted out of the couch, grabbed his keys, and rushed to the door.

***

Daniel went to the kitchen and turned on the coffee maker. Now it was him who was royally pissed. A few months ago Jack had been willing to sacrifice himself to save Earth from the Replicators. Why couldn’t he understand the risk he had taken to save both Gadmeer and Enkaran? Everything had ended well, after all. Better than well. At that very moment, the entire Enkaran community was being transported to their original homeworld. A happy ending worthy of the best Hollywood movies. Nobody got hurt.

Then why was his heart aching so much?

He had told Jack that their relationship was the most amazing thing that had ever happened to him, that he loved him. But Jack hadn’t reacted to that. He hadn’t said he still loved him back. He had just stood there accusing him of risking his life. Oh, god. A cold shiver ran down his spine and for a moment he felt sick in his stomach. He leaned on the kitchen counter and doubled over as if he had been punched in the gut.

“Jack…” he whispered breathlessly.

What if Jack couldn't forgive his actions? What if he didn’t love him anymore? And then there was Sam. She had obeyed her CO and she had built the bomb. What if…? Just a few months ago, when they were tested by the za’tarc detector, Jack had admitted he'd rather die than lose her. Oh, God. They had talked about that. Jack had made clear that he'd die for any of his teammates, but Daniel was the only one he was in love with. Now Daniel wasn’t sure anymore. What if his actions had pushed Jack away and thrown him into Sam's arms? What if he thought their relationship wasn't worth so many headaches?

Daniel stood there, paralyzed, trembling, lost in his thoughts when the front door boomed.

“Daniel, Daniel, open the door!”

Jack? What was Jack doing here? He hadn’t expected to hear from him until… maybe… never? Maybe he wanted to chew him out further.

“Daniel, open the damn door!!”

He went to the door dragging his feet. He didn’t have energy left for a new argument. He'd decided he'd let Jack come in, face the music and then curl up under the covers till the doomsday. He had barely reached the doorknob when Jack stormed in. He went to the living room and waited for Daniel to close the door. The archaeologist’s shoulders were slumped. He was ready for Jack’s death blow. He was used to losing the people he loved, so sooner or later, it had to be the colonel's turn.

“Jack, I'm tired. Please, say what you have to say and go. I hope you'll have better luck with Sam.”

The older man made a face. “Carter? What does she have to do with any of this?”

“Jack, it's obvious our relationship is too much trouble for you. You can’t bear what I did. You love her, and I bet she loves you too, so, I… understand. It’ll be much easier with her. I'm not worth the trouble.”

“Carter and I? Have you completely lost your mind?!” the colonel was shocked stunned.

Lost in his own thoughts, the archaeologist wasn’t listening to the older man.

“Bye, Jack.” Daniel turned around and started to walk towards the bedroom. Jack grabbed him by his upper arm and made him face him. “You don't get it, don't you?”

“Get what? That I fucked up everything? That you're so angry with me that you want nothing to do with me? I'll make it easy for you, Jack. I'll go see the general and ask for a transfer to another team.” Daniel's eyes were glistening with unshed tears. He forced himself to look at the colonel in the eye. He could have sworn he saw just confusion in them.

“What?! Where do you… I swear to you, Danny that sometimes I really don’t understand the functioning of that brain of yours.” Then his face smoothed and his tone softened.

“Don't you realize the reason why I was so angry with you is that I was scared shitless of losing you?”

“Huh?”

“I almost lost you in that Unas' planet not so long ago. I swear my grey hair doubled in just a couple of days. And then… when I knew you were in that Gadmeer ship, God Daniel, can't you give that old heart a break?”

“I… I'm sorry… I just thought… I mean…” A lump formed in his throat and it made difficult for him to go on. “Jack, I don’t think my life is more valuable than the Enkarans' or the Gadmeer’s is.”

“But it is for me.” Jack’s voice cracked and his eyes moistened. His brown chocolate eyes locked with Daniel’s sapphire ones. He took his lover’s hand and entwined their fingers. Then he brought it to his lips and kissed it tenderly. Warmth spread from Daniel’s hand to his heart and down to his belly. A thick tear escaped and rolled down his cheek.

“Your life is the most valuable treasure to me, Daniel. It's not just yours anymore, don't you see it? I really meant everything I told you our first time at the cabin. One part of me, a big part, lives inside you. If you die, you kill me also. Why is it so hard for you to understand that? I love you, you idiot, not Carter, just you. I need you to realize how valuable your life is, how precious. I love you more than anything, you and I are a unit now, you live in me and I live in you. Do you have any idea how it hurt? Having to choose between the Enkarans and you? To activate that bomb? God, I thought I was killing you. I could feel how my heart stopped beating.” Jack tried to keep his emotions at bay but he was starting to lose the battle. He could feel the tears behind his eyes but refused to let them fall.

“I chose you above everyone, Danny, but the colonel in me had to choose them. But you have to know that if you had died, I would have fallen dead on the spot. Only when I saw that bomb exploding in the sky, I could breathe again.”

He reached out his other hand and cupped his lover's face. He began to brush his thumb against his cheekbone tenderly as new tears streamed from the archaeologist’s eyes.

“I told you once that you carry my consciousness, heart, and soul, that I was a better man because of you. Well, looks like I forgot that for a while,” he snorted without humor. “I guess I didn't learn as much as I thought after those nazis in Euronda, either. Instead of listening to you, I let my ego take care of the situation.”

Jack's wet eyes weren’t sparking with anger anymore. They were shining with a new brightness. His gaze was warm and Daniel could read deep love in them again. He was ashamed he had doubted Jack’s love. After everything they’d shared those years, how could he let his insecurities overcome him so easily? Old habits die hard, he thought. The colonel went on talking.

“The Enkarans… they hero-worshipped me, and I let them. All of a sudden that was the most important thing. God Daniel, I pushed you to that ship. I thought they deserved to be saved above the Gadmeer. Where you saw a fascinating civilization, I only saw samples on a Petri dish. I couldn’t think of a win-win situation and I didn’t really care, as long the Enkarans were the winners. God… now I sound like that Arlan nazi guy.” His face crumpled.

“Jack, no, god, no! Don’t talk like that, you’re not like him at all!” The archaeologist was horrified that his lover could think so low of himself. “You’re nothing like him, don’t ever, ever say anything like that again, do you hear me? You’re a loving and caring person, Jack. Your only sin was to care too much, don’t you see it? It’s just that your instinct to protect the most vulnerable ones sometimes doesn’t let you see the whole picture.” The archaeologist smiled sadly.

“Gah!” The colonel rubbed his face with his hands. “If I look at the whole picture, I disobeyed a direct order and jeopardized Carter’s career and your life. Hammond is going to cut my balls off for this. Did you know that I’m scheduled for his office tomorrow morning? I’ll be lucky if he doesn't demote me to captain.”

“The important thing is that everything ended well, Jack.”

“Not thanks to me.”

“Don’t sell yourself so short, Jack.”

“No, Daniel, it’s the truth. Only your actions saved the day. If it hadn’t been for you… fuck! You are way better man than me, Daniel. That compassion you show for every living form is… No wonder The Nox have that soft spot for you. I wasn’t able to find an alternative solution and I didn’t think anyone could. But I forgot you're not just anyone Daniel. There is that sort of… magic within you, that spirit so highly connected with life… When you were kidnapped on UnasLand last month… God, you're the only person I know who could survive that ordeal and get nothing more than a single scratch. If it had been me, either the Unas or I would be dead by now. But you, you're the most incredible person I've ever known. You always see beyond. You came up with a solution I’d have never imagined. You're always here to save my soul but I didn’t listen to you. Even Carter and Teal’c questioned my decision but I wouldn’t listen to them either. I'm so sorry Danny…”

Daniel tilted his head into Jack’s touch. “It’s not always about good guys/bads guys, Jack. Even with the Goa’uld, every time we kill one, we kill an innocent host, too.”

“God, Daniel, the thing in you that I love the most it’s also what scares me the most. I’m afraid one day you’ll run out of luck and…” He stopped for a moment, inhaled deeply, and braced himself for what he was going to say next. “I love you so damn much… and I… I’m so shortsighted sometimes… the Eurondans, the Unas, the Gadmeer… God… I'll understand if you don’t love me anymore.”

Jack tried to contain his emotions but he failed. Finally, hot tears began to roll freely down his face. Daniel couldn’t bear his lover's display of pain anymore and pulled him into a fierce hug.

“I'm sorry, Jack, I'm so sorry I put you in that situation. I love you too, of course, I do. And what you said, about The Nox, maybe it’s true, but what about The Asgard? They have that soft spot for you and they are one of the most intelligent and peaceful civilizations in the galaxy. You are a good man, Jack O’Neill, never forget that.”

The colonel’s shoulders began to shake and a strangled sob escaped from his throat. He clutched Daniel’s t-shirt as if it was a lifeline. The archaeologist held him tight, his own body trembling while he was crying silent sobs.

“I'll remember, Jack, I'll remember how important my life is to you, I promise I won’t risk myself recklessly, I'll always talk to you, I'll talk to you. I'll try not to go solo again.”

They stayed there for several minutes, letting go cleansing tears, their arms wrapped tightly around each other’s body, feeling the warmth that was radiating from them.

Finally, both men’s sobs abated and they pulled apart. They stared at each other with glistening eyes while caressed their faces. Then they leaned forward at the same time and latched their lips together in a long and passionate kiss. They could taste the salty flavor of their tears. Their need to comfort the other, to reassure that the love was there, more alive than ever, made them deepen the kiss to an ardent level. Their tongues weaved together while their hands began to free t-shirts and ran hungrily along backs, stomachs, chests, necks, heads, and buttocks. The sensation made their blood drop directly to their groins. They felt their hardened cocks rubbing one against the other. Loud moans filled the room.

“Bed,” Daniel whispered between kisses.

“Mmm, Dr. Jackson, I love it when we are on the same page.”

***

One round of passionate lovemaking and a shower later, they were both lying on the bed. Daniel was on his back winding his fingers through his lover’s soft hair while Jack was on his side, drawing small lazy circles on the younger man’s stomach. They were staring at each other’s eyes. Jack's chocolate ones were shinning in a new warmth and Daniel’s blue ones had increased his color intensity tenfold.

“Daniel…”

“Jack…”

They had talked in unison and laughed.

“That is to be on the same page, Colonel. So you were saying…”

“Have I ever told you you have the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen?”

“Huh! I knew you loved me for my looks,” Daniel teased with a grin.

“Oh, yeah, I love your looks, mmm, those eyes, this slightly turned-up nose…”

“C'mon! My nose isn’t turned-up at all!” The archaeologist protested.

“Shhhhhh, I'm trying to be romantic here.” Daniel rolled his eyes. “Where was I? Oh, yeah, those full lips, those perfectly toned arms, those long fingers, this smooth chest, this flat and sexy belly, those endless legs…”

“Jack, stop or we're going to need another shower in no time.” He could feel his cock beginning to swell again. He looked at his lover, drinking in his attractiveness.

“You, colonel, are the one who has the most beautiful eyes I've ever seen. They're warm and sweet like hot chocolate, always sparkling full of life. And your straight nose, worthy of an aristocratic, those broad shoulders, those fit muscular pecs, those strong arms, those talented hands, those long powerful legs, this perfectly rounded ass, and the crown jewel, this perfect, wonderful, velvety cock which makes me travel beyond the stars.”

“Wow,” Jack was almost speechless. “Never get yourself into a description contest with a linguist. Honestly, Daniel, I lust for your body but neither of this would mean a squat without the loving, caring, compassionate mind, heart, and soul you carry within it. Your outside match perfectly your inner beauty. I love you so much I feel like I'm going to explode.”

Their lips met again in an intense, wet, and breathless kiss. When they pulled apart, Jack rested his forehead against Daniel’s and looked at him intensely.

“Marry me,” he blurted without warning.

“Wha… what?” Daniel’s eyes widened to the impossible.

“Daniel, I love you as I never loved anyone before, Sarah included. I want to spend the rest of my life at your side.”

“But Jack, we… we can’t…”

“Daniel, if we die on our next mission or the next, I wanna be committed to you. I wanna die as your husband.” The older man stroke his cheek tenderly. “No law or regulation is going to tell me who to love, who I wish to spend the rest of my life with. When things change I really wish to make it legal for everyone to know. But for the time being, I'm talking about a real commitment between the two of us, right here, right now. So, what do you say? “Dr. Daniel Jackson, will you marry me?”

The archaeologist looked at his lover with shining eyes and smiled widely. “Yes, Colonel Jonathan “Jack” O’Neill, yes and a million times yes.”

They sat up on the bed, facing each other. Both men’s eyes moistened with the emotion. Jack took Daniel’s hands on his. Then, he cleared this throat, took a deep breath, and started to talk. “ I, Jack O’Neill, here and now, commit myself to you, Daniel Jackson, to spend the rest of my life with you, to love you under all circumstances, to take care of you in all situations. You make me the most fortunate person on Earth. Screw this, in the whole universe. I give you my body, my heart, my life, and my soul, forever.”

Daniel’s Adam’s apple bobbed noticeably as he swallowed. He leaned forward and rested his forehead against Jack’s again.

“I, Daniel…” his voice broke and he couldn’t go on and for a few seconds, “I, Daniel Jackson, commit myself to you, Jack O’Neill, to love you every single day of my life, to cherish you, to support you and also to challenge you. I give you my body, my heart, my life, and my soul, forever.”

He ended his speech with another deep and passionate kiss and a strong and warm embrace. Both men felt a rush of electricity surge through their whole bodies. They moved closer and tightened the hug, chest pressing against chest, belly against belly, their erect cocks trapped in between. They could feel both hearts beating hard, one for the other. It was hard to breathe. They stayed like that for a while, intoxicated in each other’s essence. And they knew that whatever happened from now one, whatever new difficulties or challenges life brought, they'd always find their way to each other because they were one.

They broke the embrace and looked at each other, both grinning widely. Their cocks, painfully hard like a granite rock again were bouncing against their bellies.

Jack sent a predatory look to his considered-husband.

“Well, Dr. Jackson, looks like in a while, we're going to need that shower again…”

**The end, for now**


End file.
